Guide to Gowanus
Where to find me around the canal
My friend Kara was in town from LA last week for like, 24 hours, so we had to maximize our time together and meet up early. She walked over to my place and I suggested a little Rucola lunch, my favorite neighborhood spot a few blocks over. Some salad, some pasta, some wine, an ideal catch-up meal. We wanted to sit outside or in the window because it was outrageously nice out, but honestly, even at a little two top in the middle of the space we could still feel the sunshine and the warm breeze from the open door. Nothing beats a weekday luxury lunch.
While there, I was at minimum familiar and friendly with two people who worked there. It’s my favorite restaurant for just popping in, so I go a lot (mostly for the Very Important Salad). I’m friends with the manager and know many of the other employees. While we ate, two other people I knew breezed in separately, each getting a smile and a wave and a “hey good to see ya, buddy!” pat on the back when we left. After some terrace wine (wine you drink on my terrace when it’s nice out), Kara and I headed over to Smith street to meet Audrey at Bar Great Harry for a nice weather happy hour. In the course of our several hour Miller High Life hang, like five different people I knew stopped in and joined our table. At the end of the evening Kara was like, “Are you the mayor of Brooklyn?”
I am. Maybe not Brooklyn, but certainly of my neighborhood, Gowanus. Well, the real mayor of Gowanus is the fattest raccoon I have ever seen that I encountered on an evening covid walk with Andrea and Kris back in fall of 2020. We crossed the bridge at Union over central Brooklyn’s favorite superfund site, and the raccoon walked with us,on the sidewalk. It was like it understood traffic rules, as a mayor should.
Aside from that raccoon, though, I am the mayor of Gowanus. Maybe other people feel more entitled to that role, but I have to say, it belongs to me. It comes from a mix of a few things. First of all, doing comedy, and doing it mostly in this area, I’m a slightly known entity. If you have ever been to Union Hall, you’ve probably seen me. I also spend a lot of time in my neighborhood. Sure there’s plenty in New York to go do, but I’ve been here for 20 years and I like where I live so I hang out here a lot. I am also...a party animal. I have a few haunts where any night of the week you could find me hanging with some of my friends. And these bars have plenty of other regulars and neighbors hanging out all the time to the point where you can almost guarantee to run into someone you know when you’re there. And finally, it’s true, New York is a small town.
I love my neighborhood. One of my favorite things about living in New York is it’s a city of neighborhoods. That may sound obvious, like “Oh I love sandwiches because it’s ingredients between bread,” but it doesn’t make it untrue.
I think there are actually two definitions of “neighborhood” in New York. There is the map/official/realtor definition, which usually has exact cross streets of where one place ends and another begins. These are the kinds of lines people will fight over, especially when talking about apartments. And there are plenty of places to live where you squarely know what “your” neighborhood is. I used to live uptown in the west 80s, and I could without a doubt say that I lived on the Upper West Side. It was obvious. Anything I was doing near my apartment was categorically that neighborhood.
But when I talk about where I live, I subscribe to a slightly different definition of what a neighborhood is. Yes, I technically live in Gowanus. But my corner of the neighborhood is a grey area of central Brooklyn, where a few blocks in any direction and you’re technically in one of several other “neighborhoods.” There are clear dividing lines in certain areas, but overall, you’re never far from crossing a made up border.
I’ve been in the proper neighborhood of Gowanus for six years. But before that I was a few blocks up, technically riding the edge of Boerum Hill/Downtown Brooklyn in my little apartment on Atlantic Ave. But I’ve been in this general part of Brooklyn for about a decade and cannot imagine a world where I would ever voluntarily leave. I love it. And I absolutely love Gowanus.
What most people know about Gowanus, aside from the canal’s history of being full of “black mayonnaise” and likely many bodies, is that it is rapidly developing. We’re seeing what Williamsburg did ten years ago, but hopefully less douchey. I don’t need to fight through throngs of Creative Directors when I’m getting coffee in the morning. I also don’t want my canal walks to be littered with chain salads and oversaturated internet brand flagships. If an Away suitcase store opens where Lavender Lake used to be, I will light it on fire.
It’s interesting to be living in a neighborhood as it further gentrifies, while also certainly being a member of the last wave of gentrification. My building is on the edge of the neighborhood and has been around for about twenty years. It’s not new development, but it is new in comparison to many of the blocks around it. We have kitchen islands and a little gym in the basement, but it’s certainly not the full blown luxury high rises that I see going up on Bond or Nevins. It’s hard to throw shade at the buildings charging $3800 for a studio when you’re still paying plenty and certainly in a building that also displaced residents at one point. But the blocks and blocks that were once sunny, lined only by single story autobody shops, are now darkened by giant high rises and luxury residences.
But my “Gowanus” extends beyond where most would draw boundaries. I mean, I know that when I walk over to Rucola I’m in Boerum Hill, but it’s a less than 7 minute walk, and to me, that’s still “my neighborhood.” So is Park Slope’s Union Hall (basically equidistant from my place as Rucola, just the other direction). So when I say “Oh my favorite spot in the neighborhood” I don’t always mean Gowanus, I mean walkable to me. And as a huge walker, that distance can be kind of far.
This part of Brooklyn is confusing to people who don’t live here. I’m regularly getting asked by my north Brooklyn friends where they should go when they’re heading down here on the G train. So this week I figured I’d round up some of my favorite spots in the area if you’re ever breezing through my little neck of the woods around the (slowly being cleaned) canal and need anything.
CANAL BAR
I have to start with the most important institution in the area, my beloved Canal Bar. I’ve been going here for years, and my frequency has only ramped up in the last few. I go there after Union Hall sometimes when I have shows and want to, like, be out longer. It’s a good meeting spot with friends who live around Brooklyn if we want something chill. I’m happy my Chicago buddies have a home for Bears games all fall and winter. It’s the definition of a perfect neighborhood bar. I went there the afternoon of the most recent blizzard with my friend Jimmy, I half-watched some of the Grammys a few years ago with my friend Taylor when we got bored of sitting on my couch, I had my birthday party there this year and it was an all-timer (complete with a Natasha created Rizz cake).
THE BELL HOUSE (AND HALYARDS)
My true comedy home is Union Hall, as I have explained, but if we want to technically stay within the parameters of Gowanus, The Bell House is my home away from home. I’ve done countless fun shows there over the years and it’s always one of my favorite places to perform. Every year I can’t wait for 50 First Jokes, the show where 50 comedians tell a joke they wrote in the first few days of the year, so I can sit in the back row on stage with my friends and drink Tecates and goof off while everyone stumbles through new material to a packed crowd. It’s like comedy homecoming. The Bell House is also where I host Night of Selfless Care, a charity show I produce with my friend Andrea to raise money for menstrual products for those in need. It’s also where I’m having my big book launch event on July 7--stay tuned for more details.
When we talk about The Bell House we also have to talk about Halyards. It’s an excellent bar where post-BH-show hangs usually happen (unless I can force everyone to walk up to Canal). I pop in there before any Bell House show, and usually after, most notably after this years Selfless Care show where we took over the entire bar after a drunk man terrorized us and the bartender left with a bunch of weirdly sexy cops to go find him. I’ve also spent many a night there with my friend Justin sitting at the bar drinking High Lifes and Fernet complaining about all things entertainment.
COTRA
Gowanus is in a weird place restaurant wise. It’s never been filled with them, but there have been some truly great spots. For a long time we just had Claro and Littleneck (RIP) on 3rd Ave. And don’t get me started on my old favorite Freek’s Mill, which has been a few other places in the last few years and has settled now as Liar Liar, a great martini and wine bar with a tiny menu of things like caesar salad, steak frites, and bread and butter. But the best new addition to the neighborhood is Cotra, a Japanese spot. It has truly great menu items like a house jasmine martini, hamachi crudo, fried chicken, an incredibly flavorful steak, and what they call “addictive cabbage” and are absolutely right in the naming. My favorite thing about Cotra, though, is the chairs. The chairs in the dining room are some of the more comfortable restaurant chairs I have ever sat in. Some tables are booths, and the bar is just bar stools, but the chairs. They are leather with nice wide backs and then low wooden arms so you can sit comfortably for a nice long dinner.
DOUGLASS AND DEGRAW POOL
You think I’m going to talk about the best spots in the neighborhood and NOT bring up the absolutely perfect public pool. I could talk about the NYC parks department run public pools all day and not run out of good things to say. The one in Gowanus is my ideal. It’s not huge like the Red Hook one, it’s not super tiny. It’s just kind of a regular pool. Well, it’s a cool pool. Cold, to be exact. Because the pools are city cooling centers but also not super deep, they continuously pump actually cold water in all day every day so that when the temperatures go well over 90, it’s actually still a refreshing place to cool down and not just a public bath. I go every single nice day in the summer (as long as I don’t have a job). Even if it’s just a one hour visit to read and dip in and then come back and keep working, it’s a luxury in the city to live near a pool.
THE ROYAL PALMS
I am not in the shuffleboard league. I have played shuffleboard a handful of times and always enjoy it. But anyone who knows me knows I’m not the biggest activities and games person. Aside from an easy breezy card or dice game, I left my love of activities and games at the door after my college beer pong reign came to an end. But Audrey and Jimmy and all of their (and now my) wonderful friends are on teams in the league and because I live so close I like to pop over a lot. It’s hard to turn down a good margarita, and as much as I love cramming into a tiny bar or restaurant in the city, it’s nice to be at a place where you feel plenty of space to not be on top of people. I also saw some of the gals from Bravo’s forthcoming show In The City filming there and hopefully I’m a blurred out mess of long hair and denim on denim in the background drinking a marg.
ZOMBIE HUT/BGH/WING BAR
AKA SMITH STREET TRIANGLE
I know, this isn’t Gowanus. Sue me!!!!!! No, read above and remember, this is my walkable neighborhood guide and I walk over here constantly. On a weekend (or, what’s happening more and more, a week night) you can find me and Audrey and our pals pingponging around these three businesses. They’re all within a few feet of each other and once one gets a little busy or a little boring you can just walk over to the other.
BLUEPRINT
This is, you guessed it, not in Gowanus. Blueprint is a bar in Park Slope where I also have a Cheers style familiarity with the staff thanks to its excellent cocktail menu and its proximity to Union Hall. There isn’t a day I wouldn’t happily get a Smoky Mary (a spicy, smoky margarita riff), the potato and shishito peppers with shallot dip, and the burrata bruschetta (basically the best french bread pizza you have ever had).
MORE STUFF! MORE STUFF!
Ruined has a new month and a new theme, so please enjoy Body Parts.
Friday 4/10 my buddy Jeremy is opening his brand new Greenpoint Comedy Club and I’m on the first show! I believe it’s sold out but you can come hang at the bar or check out any of the great line ups they are putting up!
Friday 4/17 I’m hosting a talk with my friend and author Zahra Tangorra about her new book Extra Sauce at the Rachel Comey store on Smith Street. Fashion! Jokes! Books! Drinks! Come!
I am once again workshopping this new narrative hour, For This?, a show about the time I almost died, at Union Hall Sunday 5/17 at 5pm.
And every week until July 7, a reminder to pre-order my debut book of essays, I’m A Lot wherever you get your books!
I LOVED THIS SO MUCH ✨