Rizz The Cat

The story of my fuzzy friend

I can’t believe I’m on my twelfth entry into this direct to your inbox unloading of my thoughts and I haven’t dedicated an entire post to my cat yet. Well, there’s no time like the present!

If you’ve ever met me in person, I have probably shown you a picture of my cat. He is my favorite thing on earth and I’m not even sure what second place is. Maybe friends and family? I don’t know, it’s hard to see anything after Rizz. I genuinely don’t remember my life before him and he has to live as long as I do.

I love him so much that during the Girls And Their Cats Cat Lady Apartment Tour on youtube I realized that my living room has been overtaken by Rizz’s beloved bags and toys.

Always on his Fresh Direct bag.

For years I was jealous of all of my friends who had cats. If I went to their apartment I took 1400 photos of the cat and kept interrupting conversation to be like, “omg looooook.” There was Toe (large black huntress) and Plum (tiny baby) and Chloe (elegant fluff) and then Tini (chaos seal). I had so many pictures of these cats on my phone that when I did a comedy debate show of “Cats v. Dogs” I produced a slideshow of just “Cats I Know.” I had to edit it down A LOT.

But I always made excuses for reasons I couldn’t have a cat. I’d cite how being on the road for stand-up would make it hard with the constant travel, even though I don’t even tour all that much. I’d worry that with my constant back problems and surgeries, owning a cat would be too much bending: filling food bowls, cleaning the litter box, reaching for head scritches. I’d worry that despite being a semi-functioning adult who more or less takes care of herself, that I wouldn’t be up to the task of keeping a living being alive. What if I just forgot to feed it???

[This is not something to worry about, cats will remind you to feed them basically every 2 hours.]

One day I finally was just ready. I don’t know what exactly convinced me it was time, but it was time. I put out the call that I wanted a cat, and if anyone knew of a cat that was available that they should tell me. I already followed a few rescue groups and fantasized about scooping up a little buddy from the world of Beth Stern. My friend Julia (of Plum’s house) mentioned my cat quest to her friend Maura, who saw a very good cat. She sent me the Instagram post from Bushwick Street Cats for a sweet tuxedo boy.

I LOVED him. I loved his little smudge half mustache. I loved his sad story about coming around the feral feeding station and being scared and also already fixed so he certainly lived somewhere before being on the mean streets of Bushwick in the winter. I loved that he was standing in the sink looking for head rubs. I knew I needed him.

I didn’t know how one obtained a cat in the digital age. I had just been home in Maryland for my uncle’s funeral and was on the Amtrak Acela two train red wines deep. I messaged the account and the guy was like “oh just fill out this application.” So I quickly filled it out on my phone, despite the fact that I’m a 41 year old millennial and I never do important things on my phone, that’s what laptops are for. I was so nervous someone else would see the post about him and try to scoop him up before I got home.

Thankfully, I was the first application in, so the next day I could go get him. I went to PetSmart and was like “okay...what do cats need?” I got a basic litter box, some wet and dry food, and a few toys, obviously. Natasha had gotten Tini a year before and was deeply invested in this journey. She also had a cat carrier, which I did not have, so she met me for a quick drink before we scooped up my new buddy. We went to a little bar deep in Bushwick and tried and failed twice to get a round of tequila sodas. When the server came back with cans of regular coke, we knew we had messed up and should have just gotten Coronas.

Then it was cat time. We showed up and while Natasha hung out with a fancy retired show cat, I plopped my new roommate in the carrier and that was...basically it. I kept waiting for instructions or secrets to pet ownership, but nope. Here’s your cat! (Bushwick Street Cats is wonderful and helpful, I just was like...omg is this happening??? Are you SURE???) We took the long car ride back to Gowanus and he only let out a few scared meows. Who could blame him???

Natasha and I went in the bathroom, shut the door, and opened up the carrier. He’s home. We watched him sniff around and explore the towels and toys on the ground, all the while discussing what his name should be. The rescue, in order to get him checked out at the vet, had to give him a name. They went with Rizz. I thought about different names, like human names (Richard, Sebastian) or foods (Cookie, Low-Fat Yogurt). Nothing felt quite right, so I decided I was sticking with Rizz.

Rizz is really a Rizz. He’s all charisma. My friend Taylor regularly calls him Mr. Personality, which he absolutely is. I was so worried it would take a long time for Rizz to know I was his person and this was a safe home, especially because he ended up on the street and then was briefly fostered by the rescue team. I thought it would take days to get him out from under the couch or to sit near me. Not the case at all. The first full day he was here he laid right up against my leg, and later that day when I let him venture out into the living room he laid across my stomach. Of course I took this to mean I’m dying of a horrific disease, but turns out he’s just a natural love bug for someone who takes care of him. Cats!

Rizz on day two living with me, getting comfy.

What I’ve loved so much about having Rizz is watching his personality evolve. He has tastes and opinions and things he likes! Here are some things he loves: licking the inside of a persian cucumber, licking the remaining flesh of a strawberry I’ve eaten, laying down on a bag of any kind that is on the floor, drinking out of a human water glass, doing a big stretch right when I get home to indicate it’s time for quick belly rubs, watching the birds and squirrels of Cat TV, crawling under me when I do physical therapy exercises on all fours on my yoga mat. As for things he doesn’t like: loud sounds, people in the apartment hallway, wet food, when two people are sitting on my couch, getting in his carrier, literally anything that happens at the vet.

And all of my concerns about having a cat have gone completely out the window. I do travel a bunch and it’s honestly not so bad. Granted I have the luxury of a good friend who lives just upstairs and is adored by Rizz who can pop down for pets and feeding on a short trip. When I’m away for longer I have a cat sitter who he snuggles with on the couch and stays here to keep him company. In terms of the bending, yes, it is a lot of bending. The litter box, the food bowl, the petting and playing all really do involve bending over. I wouldn’t say I LOVE it, but it certainly isn’t prohibitively difficult or even really much of an inconvenience. And it’s worth it.

Rizz’s submission to be a Pixar cat.

When it comes to my fear of caring for a living thing, that’s where it feels the strangest. I don’t mean that it’s difficult, I mean that it’s easy. As someone who very much does not want children and has been pretty aware of that desire to stay child free for a long time, I always assumed what I didn’t want about kids was the responsibility. I know that a cat and a kid are two wildly different beings in every way. But I think I always was afraid that I lacked the ability to care for things because I didn’t want kids. I was worried that I couldn’t be compassionate or that I didn’t have what it takes to keep someone else alive.

Bringing Rizz into my life proved that was wrong. There are many reasons I’m not having children, but those have nothing to do with whether or not I have the ability to be a caretaker. As I get older, I’m aware my parents are aging, and there may be a world where their care is in my hands. This scares me as an only child, as a child to older parents than many of my peers, and as someone who doesn’t have kids and hasn’t learned that I can do that. But Rizz has taught me I do have that ability. I can care for someone, I can put my needs aside for someone else, I can always cut up an extra cucumber when I’m making a salad so Rizz has a little treat. He deserves it.

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